the body image battle and my 1 year old

As every young mother has been informed by countless articles circulating, we need to be careful about how we discuss body image. I agree! But I have to admit that I have been shocked at how soon I feel I've had to confront this with my own daughter.

She's not even two yet, and pretty oblivious and happy. To be honest, she just noticed my expanding (third trimester) baby belly for the first time the other day, which was pretty funny. But the issue of her size and body image comes up with strangers constantly.

Twice in the past 24 hours, I've had someone comment: "how old is she?" immediately followed up by "isn't she small for her age?"

She is. She always has been. She's always been below the 3rd percentile for weight. 

She has a petite frame with the skinniest arms and legs I've seen on a toddler. She's scrawny, no question! She has narrow shoulders and a ribcage that can be seen at all times. She's going to bed tonight in a size 9-month onesie and size 3-6 month pants, which is unusual for most kids that are almost 21 months.

We feel fine discussing this and laughing about it even with strangers, especially because we know she's healthy and her charts all indicate she's growing just fine. 

But my mama heart starts to pound when I hear the comments that inevitably follow.

"Well, it's great that she's so petite. As little girls should be."

"It's nice that she'll be skinny, especially as a girl."

They continue. Awkward comments on how good it is to be skinny. Or the virtues of being little. Or how nice it is to be dainty. Or how great her life will be as a small girl.

I never get into it with strangers, but I think:
What are you saying?! Really?! Please. Rewind a few sentences. Let's think about these words.

And then I also get fired up with, If you only knew! If you knew the anxiety and guilt I personally felt those first months when I was working with a pediatrician and trying so hard to help her gain weight and having constant weight checks. If you only knew our battle for calories! 

And then I can take a step back and think, Sure, she might be a tiny cute little thing. And we CAN relish and enjoy that. It's fine. Just like we might comment and enjoy another baby's curly hair or startlingly blue eyes or chubby cheeks or long legs or anything. It's okay to notice and compliment and love babies' physical features. (Same with big people, I think.)

I am fine with noticing it. She is, in fact, small.
I'm fine with talking about it. I'm fine with some of the sweet nicknames she's picked up, like our friend that calls her "pixie."
I am fine with enjoying it. It IS a part of her and it IS endearing and it IS something we love about her.

But I don't want to make a huge deal about her being skinny. The truth is that neither she nor I had any control over it. And all I want for her is to be healthy. All I want for any of my children is to be healthy.

Now that I'm having a second baby girl I think about it even more. I've worried a little. Maybe Baby Brown #2 won't be petite. Maybe she'll be a chubby baby or tall or average--which would all be just great by me! But I'm worried about the dangers of comparison to a "tiny, dainty" older sister, and that strangers' comments will accentuate that. 

Aside from this other baby of unknown physical stature, I'm also worried that Greta's ears will get wise very soon and she will understand strangers' comments. And I don't want her to think she is inherently better or cuter or somehow more virtuous than anyone else because she is so little. That's not how it works and I really don't want her to think much of it.

The good thing is it'll be my job in the end--not the strangers.

It'll be my job to teach both girls that their bodies are beautiful and important. To teach them to be proud of their bodies. And that everyone's bodies come in all shapes and colors and proportions and it's our job to figure out how to keep our own bodies healthy and strong.

But all this has made me think a little more about body image. Perhaps these few experiences and thoughts all play in to this larger conversation--a conversation that certainly doesn't begin and end with moms and daughters. A conversation that includes strangers and friends. A conversation that recognizes that bodies are varied and that is careful with its word choice and what it praises. And certainly, a conversation that celebrates each body.




For a much more hilarious and insightful discussion on body image, please read Tina Fey's Bossypants chapters entitled "Remembrances of Being Very Very Skinny" and "Remembrances of Being a Little Bit Fat."

Some updates are in order:

Baby girl coming in April? Check.
New job in Salt Lake City? Check.
New apartment? Still working on it.

But mostly I'm here to let you know that Sesame Street recently released this gem:


I know, right?!

As Greta sits on my lap with a cold this morning, some other new favorites we've watched include old Michael Buble, our One Direction homeboys,  and Janelle Monae. I do have to admit that Elmo looks pretty fly in a suit, and Tony Bennett keeps it suave with a pretty hilarious parody video.

in case we missed you...

Our last frantic weekend as we moved from Dallas, we sent out some Christmas cards. But we're positive we missed a few, and we also don't know where the remaining cards or envelopes are at this point.

For anyone that might be curious, here's a summary of our year:

Hope you had a great Christmas!

For God so loved the world... and you.

You may have already seen this, but I'm just going to leave it here.
Merry Christmas.

creative partner

I think the last post I wrote could use some minor amendments. Or at least a little background.

Yes, there was name-calling and eye-rolling. As there always is on every project we work on. There's also negotiating and arguing over tedious things and consulting the Chicago Manual of Style.
But we're also having a REALLY good time while we do it. And the teasing is very good-natured. And we laugh very hard and stay up late and get goofy and spend much more time working on it than we should because, frankly, we like to work on creative projects together.

Mostly I'm just grateful to be married to a creative partner.
He has most the design skills and I mostly do photo stuff. We both generate content. And while I can't use Illustrator or InDesign for the life of me, he'll hand over the mouse and let me try a new idea or color palette and I'll do the same with him. We love to make plans of projects we can do together--from video, to decorating, to photos, to books, to the seldom occasion when we can do music stuff together.

It's worked out really well over our marriage. I think we really respect and trust each other's aesthetic, ideas, and edits. But one of the things I value the most is that he isn't afraid to tell me when an idea is not good. We have this really safe creative zone where we can throw all of our ideas--and then toss out the bad or tell each other when it's not working. It's a pretty candid process and not anywhere close to gushy, but it's in this working mode and there's a lot of energy and excitement for whatever we're working on.

Film school was so good for me in that respect. It was such a vulnerable and humble process of watching your rough cuts on a big screen playing for all your peers. But reading and filling out so many feedback forms with one column that said "what works" and another that said "what doesn't work" taught me to CRAVE good feedback. And showed me that usually the most helpful is when a friend, peer, or partner can tell you what isn't working. That's what you can't see when you're so close to your own work and that's what you want to make it better.

It's not always easy. It can get frustrating because I want to be done, and sometimes I've shown him a cut or a draft or a concept or a photo and he's said: "You're so close. But just do this and this and it'll be so much better." He's right. Almost every time.
And a few times I'll also choose not to go with his suggestion because, well, I can and sometimes there isn't a better--just a preference. Like how he likes the font Neris and I don't love it. Or how I almost always choose cool colors and he has to coax me to ever use red.

In the end, I'm just really glad to have someone that not only puts up with all this stuff, but also joins in. It's really nice to share.

There is an awful lot of name-calling and eye-rolling at the Browns when we work on Christmas cards. In the past five minutes, a few examples have included:
"Well that was a bad choice."
"You're a bad person."
"Can you help me do this? Then I can do the rest by myself." ... "I'm not sure you can."
"Bad color." "Oh yeah? What color would you do?"
"So, do you not use the Oxford comma anymore?" ..."YOU typed that."

It's tender in its own way.

I think I missed my calling in life. (I mean Dallas.)


I *should've* been spending our time here trying out every taco joint and making an authoritative and comprehensive guide to Dallas tacos. If there's one thing Dallas does right, it's tacos.
Now with a mere 3 weeks left, I just don't think I have the time.


You know what they say.
Hindsight is 20/20.