As every young mother has been informed by countless articles circulating, we need to be careful about how we discuss body image. I agree! But I have to admit that I have been shocked at how soon I feel I've had to confront this with my own daughter.
Now that I'm having a second baby girl I think about it even more. I've worried a little. Maybe Baby Brown #2 won't be petite. Maybe she'll be a chubby baby or tall or average--which would all be just great by me! But I'm worried about the dangers of comparison to a "tiny, dainty" older sister, and that strangers' comments will accentuate that.
Aside from this other baby of unknown physical stature, I'm also worried that Greta's ears will get wise very soon and she will understand strangers' comments. And I don't want her to think she is inherently better or cuter or somehow more virtuous than anyone else because she is so little. That's not how it works and I really don't want her to think much of it.
But all this has made me think a little more about body image. Perhaps these few experiences and thoughts all play in to this larger conversation--a conversation that certainly doesn't begin and end with moms and daughters. A conversation that includes strangers and friends. A conversation that recognizes that bodies are varied and that is careful with its word choice and what it praises. And certainly, a conversation that celebrates each body.
For a much more hilarious and insightful discussion on body image, please read Tina Fey's Bossypants chapters entitled "Remembrances of Being Very Very Skinny" and "Remembrances of Being a Little Bit Fat."
She's not even two yet, and pretty oblivious and happy. To be honest, she just noticed my expanding (third trimester) baby belly for the first time the other day, which was pretty funny. But the issue of her size and body image comes up with strangers constantly.
Twice in the past 24 hours, I've had someone comment: "how old is she?" immediately followed up by "isn't she small for her age?"
She is. She always has been. She's always been below the 3rd percentile for weight.
She has a petite frame with the skinniest arms and legs I've seen on a toddler. She's scrawny, no question! She has narrow shoulders and a ribcage that can be seen at all times. She's going to bed tonight in a size 9-month onesie and size 3-6 month pants, which is unusual for most kids that are almost 21 months.
We feel fine discussing this and laughing about it even with strangers, especially because we know she's healthy and her charts all indicate she's growing just fine.
But my mama heart starts to pound when I hear the comments that inevitably follow.
"Well, it's great that she's so petite. As little girls should be."
"It's nice that she'll be skinny, especially as a girl."
They continue. Awkward comments on how good it is to be skinny. Or the virtues of being little. Or how nice it is to be dainty. Or how great her life will be as a small girl.
I never get into it with strangers, but I think:
What are you saying?! Really?! Please. Rewind a few sentences. Let's think about these words.
And then I also get fired up with, If you only knew! If you knew the anxiety and guilt I personally felt those first months when I was working with a pediatrician and trying so hard to help her gain weight and having constant weight checks. If you only knew our battle for calories!
What are you saying?! Really?! Please. Rewind a few sentences. Let's think about these words.
And then I also get fired up with, If you only knew! If you knew the anxiety and guilt I personally felt those first months when I was working with a pediatrician and trying so hard to help her gain weight and having constant weight checks. If you only knew our battle for calories!
And then I can take a step back and think, Sure, she might be a tiny cute little thing. And we CAN relish and enjoy that. It's fine. Just like we might comment and enjoy another baby's curly hair or startlingly blue eyes or chubby cheeks or long legs or anything. It's okay to notice and compliment and love babies' physical features. (Same with big people, I think.)
I am fine with noticing it. She is, in fact, small.
I'm fine with talking about it. I'm fine with some of the sweet nicknames she's picked up, like our friend that calls her "pixie."
I am fine with enjoying it. It IS a part of her and it IS endearing and it IS something we love about her.
I am fine with noticing it. She is, in fact, small.
I'm fine with talking about it. I'm fine with some of the sweet nicknames she's picked up, like our friend that calls her "pixie."
I am fine with enjoying it. It IS a part of her and it IS endearing and it IS something we love about her.
But I don't want to make a huge deal about her being skinny. The truth is that neither she nor I had any control over it. And all I want for her is to be healthy. All I want for any of my children is to be healthy.
Now that I'm having a second baby girl I think about it even more. I've worried a little. Maybe Baby Brown #2 won't be petite. Maybe she'll be a chubby baby or tall or average--which would all be just great by me! But I'm worried about the dangers of comparison to a "tiny, dainty" older sister, and that strangers' comments will accentuate that.
Aside from this other baby of unknown physical stature, I'm also worried that Greta's ears will get wise very soon and she will understand strangers' comments. And I don't want her to think she is inherently better or cuter or somehow more virtuous than anyone else because she is so little. That's not how it works and I really don't want her to think much of it.
The good thing is it'll be my job in the end--not the strangers.
It'll be my job to teach both girls that their bodies are beautiful and important. To teach them to be proud of their bodies. And that everyone's bodies come in all shapes and colors and proportions and it's our job to figure out how to keep our own bodies healthy and strong.
But all this has made me think a little more about body image. Perhaps these few experiences and thoughts all play in to this larger conversation--a conversation that certainly doesn't begin and end with moms and daughters. A conversation that includes strangers and friends. A conversation that recognizes that bodies are varied and that is careful with its word choice and what it praises. And certainly, a conversation that celebrates each body.
For a much more hilarious and insightful discussion on body image, please read Tina Fey's Bossypants chapters entitled "Remembrances of Being Very Very Skinny" and "Remembrances of Being a Little Bit Fat."
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