A few weeks ago, I was going to write this post. It would look something like this:
1) Does she have a name yet?
No.
2) Why not?
We don't know.
3) Isn't this still kind of weird?
Yes.
3.5) Weren't you trying to avoid this?
Yes.
4) But what do you call her?
A lot of things.
5) But ... the birth certificate?!?!
Yeah, still not worried about that. Turns out she still has a social security number and insurance and stuff.
Remember how hard we were trying and wanted to name our new baby right away?
Didn't work out as well as we'd hoped. But at this point, we're totally over it.
So what happened?
You know about the battle while I was pregnant. The search for names. The continual weight and looming of naming our unborn child. We gave it a good, honest go. We tried so hard.
The last couple weeks we felt pretty solid on a first name. My husband didn't want to tell people yet. I didn't tell a soul. One Sunday afternoon we went on a walk, and there was a headstone with my anticipated baby's name on it. There was another one that said "Greta." I know headstones aren't always seen as comforting, but this one was. It was my sign. We had a name.
We then spent considerable amount of time narrowing down our list of middle names. We went through all the tabs on the spreadsheet. (For the curious at home, the tabs are as follows: Name Brainstorm, Family Names, Alphabet of Names, Names from our Favorite Books and Movies, One syllable names, Two Syllable Names, Three syllable Names, Places, Flora & Fauna, and Top Contenders.) We narrowed down a list of 8 middle names. I know, 8 is still a lot. But it was a good go for us.
D-day came, and we got to the hospital for my c-section (a story for another day.)
My labor and delivery nurse asked about names. We didn't have one. Somehow it came up that it took a number of weeks for our last daughter to officially get a name. She laughed and said, "That's nothing! I changed my son's name when he was three." We died. Loved her even more. Well, at least we'd do better than that.
We had a baby in the evening. By the time we went to bed, a lot had been going on and we hadn't had a chance to talk about it a lot. I thought that on Day 2 we'd probably name her.
We started talking out loud about names.
We had our favorite, but wasn't sure if it totally fit. And we were worried about some possible nicknames. And we went back to say, our favorite Top 10-ish. And just kept floating names and name combinations around.
And then, somehow it happened. All over again.
We did not have a name. We were not close to having a name. A lot of people had opinions about names. There was a lot of talk about our potential names. Our nurses made comments about names and called the baby "Don't Know Yet."
The real problem was that the two of us still weren't feeling good about the same thing. With that sweet little girl in his arms, my husband couldn't feel settled on the name we had previously thought. I still was and would've done it. But he didn't. He ended up favoring a name that was one of my long-time favorites, like from high school and college. But I didn't feel good about that one.
The night before we left the hospital we stayed up late. We took each other's favorite name and made arguments for or against it. Literal pro and con lists. I was SO determined to get a name on the birth certificate before we left the hospital. We fell asleep doing this. Woke up still not on the same page. And left the hospital with nothing there.
I steeled myself and told myself I would have a name for the baby by the time she was a week old.
On Day 6, I went through 1100 baby names (you read that right) and made a list of my favorites. I shared them with my husband. It didn't change things much.
On Day 7, we decided to call her Eloise. It had been one of the top names in the hospital. And we just started calling her that.
People asked if it was official, if it was final. I told them no. It wasn't on a birth certificate and I didn't want people getting huffy if it didn't stick. I didn't know what was going to happen! Jason and I kept wrestling over middle names. It was that strange, terrible pattern all over again. Jason didn't like some of the names he used to love, and the same for me.
Our siblings were dying. "What is her name?" "Will she ever have a name?" "What is her official name?" I had some brothers offering up their favorite names to me, saying I could use them. Or giving alternate suggestions to the name I said.
I had a sibling have a baby, who was named within the day. There was some teasing that the new baby had an official name on record, but my two week old didn't. As my brother chided, "It's almost like they thought about it before they had the baby!"
But at least we kept calling her Eloise.
She's 5 weeks old, and still Eloise. To be honest, I'm not totally at peace with it, but it does seem to somehow fit her and I'm pretty sure that's going to be her name. It was one of my favorites (in fact, on my first baby name list from last August!) but Jason didn't even like it at all until after she was born.
Her middle name will probably be Pearl.
I've had to come to terms with this one -- I like the name, but mostly just really want to avoid having two sisters who both have gemstone middle names. It kind of feels like the cheesiest/worst to me, and I do not think it is a cute pattern. But the "Ruby" in Greta Ruby comes from an ancestor of mine named Ruby Brown. And "Pearl" comes from Jennie Pearl Knight, the woman I'm named after. So the connections are to people, anyway, and have nothing to do with precious stones.
Then I got nervous about getting locked into a pattern of family middle names. Jason and I swore we'd never have naming patterns -- not because they're inherently bad -- but because we wanted to name our kids whatever we wanted and not feel obligated to fit into a forced pattern that we gave ourselves. We have enough trouble as it is.
But we might go with Pearl anyway.
So. Eloise. Eloise Pearl. Is it on a birth certificate? Is it official?
Nope.
Are people still curious about this whole name situation? You bet! We still get a lot of questions about it. My mom even gets questioned every week at church from a friend. We understand. Most people haven't met someone who took this long. We haven't, either.
Here's the thing: try not to let it bother you too much. Like we mentioned, it's not for lack of trying. And turns out, it doesn't actually affect you or anyone else -- not even Eloise! Legally she's still a person, and socially she's still just as loved. It'll happen soon enough. (Which will probably be much later than anyone thinks reasonable!)
And should a Baby Brown #3 come along? Well. ...Probably not even worth asking for a few weeks.
1) Does she have a name yet?
No.
2) Why not?
We don't know.
3) Isn't this still kind of weird?
Yes.
3.5) Weren't you trying to avoid this?
Yes.
4) But what do you call her?
A lot of things.
5) But ... the birth certificate?!?!
Yeah, still not worried about that. Turns out she still has a social security number and insurance and stuff.
Remember how hard we were trying and wanted to name our new baby right away?
Didn't work out as well as we'd hoped. But at this point, we're totally over it.
So what happened?
You know about the battle while I was pregnant. The search for names. The continual weight and looming of naming our unborn child. We gave it a good, honest go. We tried so hard.
The last couple weeks we felt pretty solid on a first name. My husband didn't want to tell people yet. I didn't tell a soul. One Sunday afternoon we went on a walk, and there was a headstone with my anticipated baby's name on it. There was another one that said "Greta." I know headstones aren't always seen as comforting, but this one was. It was my sign. We had a name.
We then spent considerable amount of time narrowing down our list of middle names. We went through all the tabs on the spreadsheet. (For the curious at home, the tabs are as follows: Name Brainstorm, Family Names, Alphabet of Names, Names from our Favorite Books and Movies, One syllable names, Two Syllable Names, Three syllable Names, Places, Flora & Fauna, and Top Contenders.) We narrowed down a list of 8 middle names. I know, 8 is still a lot. But it was a good go for us.
D-day came, and we got to the hospital for my c-section (a story for another day.)
My labor and delivery nurse asked about names. We didn't have one. Somehow it came up that it took a number of weeks for our last daughter to officially get a name. She laughed and said, "That's nothing! I changed my son's name when he was three." We died. Loved her even more. Well, at least we'd do better than that.
We had a baby in the evening. By the time we went to bed, a lot had been going on and we hadn't had a chance to talk about it a lot. I thought that on Day 2 we'd probably name her.
We started talking out loud about names.
We had our favorite, but wasn't sure if it totally fit. And we were worried about some possible nicknames. And we went back to say, our favorite Top 10-ish. And just kept floating names and name combinations around.
And then, somehow it happened. All over again.
We did not have a name. We were not close to having a name. A lot of people had opinions about names. There was a lot of talk about our potential names. Our nurses made comments about names and called the baby "Don't Know Yet."
The real problem was that the two of us still weren't feeling good about the same thing. With that sweet little girl in his arms, my husband couldn't feel settled on the name we had previously thought. I still was and would've done it. But he didn't. He ended up favoring a name that was one of my long-time favorites, like from high school and college. But I didn't feel good about that one.
The night before we left the hospital we stayed up late. We took each other's favorite name and made arguments for or against it. Literal pro and con lists. I was SO determined to get a name on the birth certificate before we left the hospital. We fell asleep doing this. Woke up still not on the same page. And left the hospital with nothing there.
I steeled myself and told myself I would have a name for the baby by the time she was a week old.
On Day 6, I went through 1100 baby names (you read that right) and made a list of my favorites. I shared them with my husband. It didn't change things much.
On Day 7, we decided to call her Eloise. It had been one of the top names in the hospital. And we just started calling her that.
People asked if it was official, if it was final. I told them no. It wasn't on a birth certificate and I didn't want people getting huffy if it didn't stick. I didn't know what was going to happen! Jason and I kept wrestling over middle names. It was that strange, terrible pattern all over again. Jason didn't like some of the names he used to love, and the same for me.
Our siblings were dying. "What is her name?" "Will she ever have a name?" "What is her official name?" I had some brothers offering up their favorite names to me, saying I could use them. Or giving alternate suggestions to the name I said.
I had a sibling have a baby, who was named within the day. There was some teasing that the new baby had an official name on record, but my two week old didn't. As my brother chided, "It's almost like they thought about it before they had the baby!"
But at least we kept calling her Eloise.
She's 5 weeks old, and still Eloise. To be honest, I'm not totally at peace with it, but it does seem to somehow fit her and I'm pretty sure that's going to be her name. It was one of my favorites (in fact, on my first baby name list from last August!) but Jason didn't even like it at all until after she was born.
Her middle name will probably be Pearl.
I've had to come to terms with this one -- I like the name, but mostly just really want to avoid having two sisters who both have gemstone middle names. It kind of feels like the cheesiest/worst to me, and I do not think it is a cute pattern. But the "Ruby" in Greta Ruby comes from an ancestor of mine named Ruby Brown. And "Pearl" comes from Jennie Pearl Knight, the woman I'm named after. So the connections are to people, anyway, and have nothing to do with precious stones.
Then I got nervous about getting locked into a pattern of family middle names. Jason and I swore we'd never have naming patterns -- not because they're inherently bad -- but because we wanted to name our kids whatever we wanted and not feel obligated to fit into a forced pattern that we gave ourselves. We have enough trouble as it is.
But we might go with Pearl anyway.
So. Eloise. Eloise Pearl. Is it on a birth certificate? Is it official?
Nope.
Are people still curious about this whole name situation? You bet! We still get a lot of questions about it. My mom even gets questioned every week at church from a friend. We understand. Most people haven't met someone who took this long. We haven't, either.
Here's the thing: try not to let it bother you too much. Like we mentioned, it's not for lack of trying. And turns out, it doesn't actually affect you or anyone else -- not even Eloise! Legally she's still a person, and socially she's still just as loved. It'll happen soon enough. (Which will probably be much later than anyone thinks reasonable!)
And should a Baby Brown #3 come along? Well. ...Probably not even worth asking for a few weeks.
Wait, so your baby doesn't have an "official name" yet? That's not the story mom told me a few weeks back...
ReplyDeleteWe love you and love her and will support you in whatever you decide, or even whatever you decide and then decide to change. You guys are great. I myself think names are pretty significant and LOVE my name, and my sister dislikes hers. I firmly believe it's worth waiting for so you feel secure that you have the right name. As you said, it doesn't affect any of us. I really don't think people should be ribbing you so badly for what YOU decide to name YOUR baby. It's none of our business. I think she's a lucky girl, and I hope she grows up loving her name as much as I love mine. If she does, it's worth the wait.
ReplyDelete