Not a Princess

Girls,

I want you to know something. I will never call you "Princess." To be honest, I don't want you to think of yourselves as a princess. You may hear other girls affectionately called that, but you should know this: we don't have any princesses at our house.

Don't get me wrong. We will still delight in the wonders of little girl-hood. It will be okay if we have princess dress-ups and watch princess movies. We can have princess balls and castle toys. But you are not a princess, and that is not what we aspire to.

You are a brave, strong, girl. You are smart girls. You are beautiful girls--with a beauty I could have never imagined. You are independent girls, and capable girls. You girls are soon going to be women, and I hope you continue to develop all of these traits into womanhood.

I hope, more than anything, that just as every princess demands respect when she enters a room, you do too.

But here's the thing about princesses. That title is empty--it came with no effort. She didn't earn it and didn’t have to prove herself to get it. She was born, and someone handed her a tiara. She also immediately had a team of housekeepers and cooks and trainers and stylists and tutors, and yes, wealth and luxuries. She had the immediate attention of newspapers and media crews, constantly noting every milestone in her life.

It wouldn't be fair to you to call you a princess, because that won't be your life.

You will have chores and have to help make dinner. No one will wait on you, or ask if things suits your tastes. While we will always try to help you look your best, you will certainly wear hand-me-downs. You might not get applause or constant recognition. You will need to work hard, get educated, create your own opportunities, and to prove yourself.

We want you to prove yourself! We are so excited for you to prove yourself! We've already watched you prove that you are compassionate, and bright, and charming, and full of pluck. We hope that you will also prove friendship, and a strong work ethic, and grit, and loyalty, and integrity.

I won’t call you "princess" because I need you to know that you are no better than anyone else. You are not better than any of your siblings. You are not better than anyone in your class at school. You are not better than anyone on your team or at church or anywhere else. There is SO much inherently good about you--which I intend to cherish and praise you for--but there is no one thing about you that makes you any better than anyone else. You need to remember that.

Girls, don't marry someone who treats you like a princess.

Marry someone who treats you with respect. A lot of it. You should find someone who treats you as an equal, a partner, a half of a whole. You should find someone who listens to you and respects your opinion. Someone who wants to be on a team with you in everything for the rest of your life.

You should only marry someone who loves you very, very deeply. Who cares for you and honors you and is grateful for you. You should find a boy that treats you very, very well--but it is not his job to wait on you or constantly bring you home jewelry or to make sure you have everything you ever wanted. It is his job to be your companion. And you need to love him and respect him and listen to him and dote on him just as much as you want to be doted upon.

You are also not a princess, because you will probably not have a fairytale "happily ever after."

You will probably grow up and have a life full of a lot of normal things. Here's the thing about adulthood: real jobs and real marriage and real parenthood are mostly made up of a lot of tedious things. You will probably load the dishwasher more times than you can guess. You will probably eat a lot of normal breakfasts and dinners. You will probably send a lot of the same emails most days. You will probably pay the electric bill. You will probably hang up a lot of the same clothes and drive to the same places over and over.

But you can do it beautifully. And I am here to tell you that even if it’s not in a castle, you can find more than enough magic in it and still be very, very happy.

The world doesn't need any more princesses.

But we do need your opinions, and your ideas, and your sense of humor. We need your hard work and we need you to make things happen. We need you to love deeply and genuinely look after those around you. I need my brave, strong, beautiful girls--ones that live with respect for themselves and for others.

We have girls that are a lot of things. But we don't have any princesses at our house.