Names: Part 3

People really don't let you forget about things like changing your baby's name. OR your baby not having a name on a birth certificate until they're a month old.

We get it.
It was weird. We're rather embarrassed about it.

So after we had Greta, we decided we had to talk about baby names all the time--whether I was pregnant or not. We could not let that happen again. We've casually discussed it on and off for a few years, and luckily, I think we've now settled on a couple boy names. No guarantees we'll use them, but we have a couple options (first and middle) that we both feel really comfortable with and that might be great contenders sometime.

However, pretty much as soon as I got pregnant again, I was quite sure that this new baby was going to be a girl. Very early in the pregnancy I was scouring for girl names. I told Jason we had to focus in on girl names since we had some boy options--and I knew that 9 months might not even be long enough for us to find and settle on something.

Jason's also been pretty set on determining a name as quickly as possible. He's pointed out: "Look. We've learned that the 'wait until we see the baby' thing doesn't actually work for us. It didn't help at all. So we have to just decide on a name. And then we're just going to go with it."
He would like to name the baby the day she is born, I think. That's approximately my goal, but I'd be fine with getting her named in the first couple days.

Well. We are T-minus 50 days until my due date. (And if this baby comes when Greta does, we're only 28 days away!) Baby Girl Brown #2 doesn't exactly have a name yet.

This is how it's gone.

• We've gone through Top 100 Baby Name lists and pulled out our favorites.
• We've gone through social security records for different decades and written our favorite names from those lists.
• We've gone through family trees searching for favorite names. (A new personal favorite is the mother / daughter combo a couple hundred years back that are named "Silence." I'm sure Silence Brown has a nice ring to it?)
• We've joked through atlases, billboards and everything else coming up with names that make each other laugh.
• I go to baby-naming websites and try fishing around for various names.
• We've made lists of things we CAN'T name our baby now that we have a baby Greta. For example, Gretchen. Some names are too close or don't fit well or whatever. We also have names that we can't name our child since our last name is Brown. For example, we get nervous about color names--like Scarlet.

So we have lists on our phones and google spreadsheets with options.

Jason and I have probably agreed less on names this time around.
We have some old lists with Jason's favorite names, and another with a few of my favorite names. He has like 6 names, and I won't go for most of them. And I only have two names, and I'm not sure that I really want either of them.

That seems to be the biggest problem. Of all these lists, we have names that we think are nice. "Sure, that's a fine name," we can say. Or we can find names and groups of names with a style we like. If we're looking at a list, we can easily narrow down which ones we like the best. But we don't love them enough to really consider naming our child that.

Some other problems.
• I'm still too fickle. Occasionally, I'll have names that I love and I'll try and convince Jason to like them. A few weeks or a few months later, Jason will say, "Yeah! That name has really grown on me." And then I look at him and say, "No. I don't like it anymore."

• Or I worry. "What if this is our last baby girl ever? What if this is our last chance to name a baby girl and we mess up because we're young and foolish?" (But who knows if this is our last baby girl or even how many children we will have or want to have. We don't have that plan nailed down and won't for quite awhile, and turns out you can't plan genders even if you try. But, you know, something else to worry about.)

• I'm also self-conscious about trendy names. I don't want to be too trendy or too 2015. I also don't want to look back and be embarrassed about what I named my child. But I have also learned that there might not be any avoiding this. As I have gone through social security lists of top names, it's become clear to me: there are TOTALLY themes to names in EVERY decade. It's really hard to avoid. And just like the names "Jason" and "Jennie" are great names that we've been fine growing up with, they might be recognizable as the kind of names from the late 80s. Similarly, our kids names will probably be pin-pointable to a certain period.
(Unless we choose the name Mary. I'm pretty sure that's the most timeless girl's name from several millenia.)

• I just get nervous about messing this up and making my child live with the results.

Some other interesting notes:
• Nicknames. My husband is a good, good man, but he has zero older brothers and has never actually been made fun of in his life. I had four older brothers who spared very little in teasing their youngest sister. I am much more tuned in to the inane names, cruel derivations, and potty-humor associations that can be generated from normal, nice names. When I bring these things up, Jason sometimes looks at me and says, "What?! That doesn't make any sense. Why would someone call her that?" And then I assure him (and my brothers back up) that kids call each other a lot of dumb things that don't make sense.

• We also play a game: "If we had to name the baby tomorrow, what would we name her?"

Right now?
We have one strong contender, but no middle name to go with it. And I'm worried I might back out and decide I don't like it sometime soon, since I've already kind of done that once. And then we'll have zero options. But we're trying to refer to the baby with a name and audition it (before she's even here! so that's improvement!) and trying to work through this.

Are we going to tell you what names we're thinking of?
No. Probably not.
Would it be a good idea for me to talk about some of these options out loud?
Quite possibly. But I still get nervous and probably won't do it yet.

Something I'm serious about:
If you have a method of either generating or narrowing down baby names that works well for you, let me know! or baby name books or websites or activities or whatever it might be. I'm game. I'd also be open to any names you'd like to suggest. We're all about possibilities and brainstorming.

Here's to Baby Girl Brown #2 -- and helping her get a name before her older sister did!

Names: Part 2

So what the crap happened last time we had/named a baby?
Right. Last time.

We were really struggling coming up with a name. It was a few weeks before the baby's due date, and we still weren't sure.

And then, BOOM, in a whirlwind of a few days, I was being tested constantly, got diagnosed with preeclampsia, was told I needed to not be pregnant any more, was induced, and suddenly we were having a baby. One of the first things Jason and I said as they hooked me up to the IVs was "Sorry, baby girl. We don't have a name for you yet."

Things got increasingly more complicated. Inductions turned into C-sections and then my baby was needing surgery and being ambulanced to another hospital where I wouldn't see her for several days... And you know, my first priority at that point wasn't declaring a name. We had to take care of everyone's health first. And then I wanted to be able to see her, which people seemed a little understanding about.

So, when we filled out all the hospital paperwork we left the name portion blank. Her birth certificate had no name on it. As I was released from the hospital, the nurse wheeling me out teased, "Haven't you had 9 months to figure this out?!"

It was a little entertaining to arrive at the Primary's Medical Center NICU. All of her tags read "Baby Girl" or "BG Brown," while the rest of the NICU babies had sweet name tags lovingly decorated by their nurses.

Family members were texting and emailing asking what her name was. After all, I had now seen her and held her and stuff. We didn't have one yet.

I distinctly remember Mother's Day. My husband and I sat with my 5 day old baby in the NICU, enjoying the warm sun coming in her corner window and mostly really grateful to be spending time all together. We tried out names for a few hours. We were a little surprised at the process. We had always thought that once we saw her it would be obvious. It wasn't. In fact, as we stared down at this little baby's face and tried to determine what to call her, it was much harder.

When the doctor passed through, he had to comment. "If she's not named by the end of the shift, I'm just naming her. Okay? Maybe Emily. That'd be a good name for her." Eventually we decided on a name we had talked about. Naomi. We had liked it, and decided we'd try it. We'd call her Naomi. We also really liked the name Greta, and talked about that as a middle name?

We wrote out a little nametag and put it on her bassinet as we left, and the nurses winked at us.

As we talked with family that night, we talked about the name.
Here's the thing.
It wasn't sitting well with me.
In fact, I couldn't even get the words out to say the name to my own family. Jason had to say it. And I was too uncomfortable to talk about it. I knew that I thought "Naomi Greta" had zero percent flow to it, but I also just wasn't sure in general.

I knew it was probably my own lack of commitment and indecisiveness holding me back, so I tried to be bold. We announced the first name "Naomi" on facebook. Pretty committal, right? Telling hundreds of people?

Turns out not even that did the trick.
As time went on, I liked it less and less. I anguished more and more. And I didn't like all the associations and pronunciations of the name that I hadn't fully considered.
For a little bit, our families called her Naomi. I didn't really call her much of anything. And then I opened up to everyone about how I didn't like it and was thinking that we might need to try something else.

Let me tell you, that stirs the pot!
I thought a 5 day old baby without a name was bad, but it really gets interesting at week 2 or 3.
I had a sweet grandma comment, "Changing it? But I've already told everyone the name is Naomi!"
"Me too, Grandma. Me too."

I didn't need a name for her. I spent all day with her and could call her "baby girl," or "sweetheart," or all sorts of things just fine. But other people were pretty sure they needed something to call her.

It really wore on me and I anguished about it. It wore on Jason, too. I still have to-do lists from those first few weeks with "NAME" written on the top of it. And by this point, everyone else was more vocally chiming in with what names they liked. I guess that's how it goes when you have a child, there in the flesh, without a name.

Finally, on her due date, we started to settle. I was really feeling much more decided on the first name of Greta. And then in the car that night, Jason suggested the middle name "Ruby."
I gasped. It was a great fit. I called my mom in excitement. We might have a name! We weren't totally settled, but we might have a name!

We tried it out for a few more days. Greta Ruby. It was feeling good. It was feeling right. It WAS feeling different than Naomi ever did. It felt like something I liked--and that I didn't care if anyone else liked it, because I did.

Finally, on her one month birthday, we took her down to county health office and got it officially on a birth certificate. Our baby girl. Greta Ruby Brown.

We reannounced.
People made fun of us for the first, oh, year. Except for when they still make fun of us.


(FOR THE RECORD: if you ever find yourself in this situation, you should know that you do NOT need to have a name when you leave the hospital. Also, it was not hard at all to get a birth certificate/social security card amended. It took half an hour, maybe, and cost $18. The process was not actually a big deal and don't let people scare you or make you feel guilty about it. If you need more time to name your child, take the time you need.)

Names: Part 1

"So do you have a name?"

...here's the thing. We aren't the people who decided when they got engaged what they would name their children. In fact, we have a really hard time deciding baby names.

To catch you up on our backstory, here's something I blogged two years ago when I was pregnant with Greta.

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There's the standard three questions.
1. When's your due date?
2. Girl or boy?
3. Have any names?

Luckily, the first two are really easy to answer. Straightforward, and people readily accept one-word answers. But when I answer "no," to #3, people are always confused.

"No? Do you and Jason just not agree on names?"
"Well, I think we mostly agree. We talk about it all the time. We just don't ... have... any."

"Do you have a pool that you're thinking of? Some good options?"
"Not really, yet, no, sorry." (honest truth.)

"Did you have boy names but then found out it was a girl?"
"Well kind of, but, no, not really. We just aren't very decisive. And just don't have anything we like yet."

But none of those answers are very satisfying to people.

Sometimes I try and explain in different ways:
"Part of it's tricky when you have a last name like Brown. We don't want to name her Katie/Sarah, and have her compete with the other 5,000 Katie Browns that will be in the Utah school districts alone. But we don't want it to be too off the wall."
OR
"Part of me is just really indecisive. And I'd like to see this child before they're given a name. So I'm not planning on naming the child until the hospital. But I know I need to have some options before then, or else this child will never have a name. I'm working on being decisive."
OR
"We also get really distracted really easily coming up with names. We start reading billboards, and the name becomes "Ikea" or "Awesome" (pronounced ah-weh-so-meh). We've also gone through all the combinations of Light Brown, Chocolate Brown, Mahogany Brown, etc. Or other fun historical names, like Dostoyevsky Brown, or Gorbachev Brown, or... other nouns, like  Geography Brown, or Grandma Brown. Yeah, we just get distracted really easily."

Or when Jason tries to explain:
"The other challenge is convincing Jennie that the name needs to be something appropriate for a white little girl born in Utah. You see, Jennie has this thing for hispanic names, or Middle-Eastern boy names. So, we have to focus a bit."
That one baffles people a lot. (My neighbor last night: "Like WHAT?!") I don't know how to explain it either, other than I would just love a Middle-Eastern little boy that I would like to name Amir, thank you very much. And my hispanic children will be Alma (as in "soul") and maybe Nico. And maybe these will be adopted children, or maybe they will never exist. I'm still dealing with the fact that I will likely never have any dark-skinned, dark-eyed children. But Jason reminds me there might be some cultural confusion if I name a white, pasty little girl something like "Nuria," or "Amir." In fact, he does facebook and google searches for first names, and then points out to me that all of the hits coming up have last names like "Gonzalez" or "Rahnavard" or "Assaf" and that this name is not really appropriate for a scandinavian mutt with the last name of "Brown." Jason introduced me to Russian names, which mostly just give me a kick, but are similarly not appropriate. We're working through this.

So, no, we don't have names.
We don't really have options of names. We have a few contenders that might be higher than others, but I don't know if they're possibilities yet at all.
Just thought you might need the update.

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Things haven't changed too much since then.

But we're now implicated by our history of having a child who didn't officially have a name on a birth certificate until she was a month old. And we have another baby girl coming in the near future who also needs a name!

To be continued...

Secret secret.

Something I wrote in January, but never got around to posting. Enjoy!

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So, we announced this pregnancy relatively late in the game. It didn't hit social media until 25 weeks along. But what might really surprise you is that our families didn't even know until after 20 weeks. I know, right? What were we thinking?

Well. Let me explain.
Last September as we piled in the Subaru and drove to Dallas, we laughed about how I was secretly 8 weeks pregnant and no one knew yet. We laughed about how when we came back I'd be very visibly pregnant with a bump and everything--and laughed about the possibility of not telling anyone until then.

I mean... Right?! Best joke/Christmas surprise ever?! Jason and I chuckled about how funny it could be. And we thought other people would have a lot of fun with it, and everyone would be so surprised and laugh and be excited. It would be great.

We'd heard of people joking about that sort of thing. Not telling anyone they were expecting and then showing up with this big baby belly. But this was different. We weren't just laughing about an idea. We thought we might actually try it, and that we legitimately might have a chance to pull it off.

So we didn't tell.
No. It's not that it was quite that simple.

When the pregnancy got scary and hard and threatened to miscarry several times, we talked about telling our families. When my sister announced that she was pregnant, you can better believe it was darn near impossible not to tell her I was pregnant, too. But for many careful reasons (aside from practical jokes), we decided to keep it down low.

It got trickier as time went along. I had to very carefully choose what outfits I could wear on webcam. We were careful with published pictures. We watched our words carefully. The week before Christmas came along, and we found ourselves back in the Subaru driving across the United States and ready to greet family... with a bit of (very visible) news.

Here are a few cautions for anyone tempted to try this at home:

1) Not even your family is bold enough to ask if you're pregnant or if you had too much barbecue in Texas.
(Seriously! Out of all of our family members, I had ONE brother say "So... what's the deal? are you great with child? Or is that a new fat belly?")

2) You start getting phone calls of people wanting to "catch up," which may or may not be related to running into their families with a very obvious baby bump that no one addressed.

3) You might notice people's eyes darting to your midsection just before starting a conversation.

4) Instead of making one announcement, or a few announcements, you actually have to announce it like 60 times as you make your way around the room at family Christmas parties. This is not the way to do it, people.

5) When people find out, they don't know what to say.
They'll say things like, "Oh I didn't even notice!" which you both recognize is pretty far from the truth.
Or they'll say "I thought you might be..."
Or another "I wanted to tell you how cute your belly looked, but... you know, you just never know."
Most options are a little awkward for at least one person. And it means you have to have way more conversations about your belly and size than any pregnant woman really wants to.

6) No one thought it was hilarious. Joke's on us.

The good takeaway from all this is that apparently most humans we know have learned never to assume someone's pregnant, at least out loud. But, turns out, our family is not going to tell this story with glee in years to come like we imagined they might.

Regardless of what they thought of such an announcement, everyone's been excited for this baby girl to arrive. We are too. And for anyone wondering at home, this is what things look(ed) like at 30 weeks:

PS: We still think that deciding when to announce a pregnancy is a very personal decision. You well might have reason to tell people at 4 weeks or 14 weeks or 24 weeks or not to announce and that's okay. We've had enough experience to learn that it's complicated and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Though we won't repeat this kind of announcement ever again, we'll still take it on a pregnancy-by-pregnancy basis as far as announcement timing.

happenings

Things that have been going on around here in the past, oh, month:

• Finding an apartment, and moving in as slowly and painfully as possible
• An absurd amount of Valentine photo shoots, as you probably saw on Facebook and Instagram.
• Haggling over all the shades of paint colors.
• Repurposing and painting old furniture to put in the girls' room
• Deciding it's probably time in my life to own my own power sander.
• Visiting Home Depot most days of the week
• Having Greta smear spackle across the front of the dresser while singing "don't touch, don't touch, don't touch"
• Playing outside in absurd amounts of sunshine and 60 degree weather
• Debating how we're going to convince Greta to sleep in her own room/bed. We'll gladly take either.
• Trying to brainstorm, narrow down, and settle on a baby girl name. Let's be honest, this is still going to take some time.
• Catching bugs in jars. Greta really loves spiders and webs and bugs.
• A President's Day jaunt to red rock country
• Piecing together my first quilt for Greta's new bed. I finished the top, and at first I was pretty proud of myself. But now I'm getting increasingly embarrassed. How all projects go, right?
• Signing up for a Mom/tot swim class with Greta because this is the last six week period that she'll be an only child.
• Missing the snow a bit. As we drove home from Texas, I was really looking forward to a nice snowy winter. I've been a little disappointed.
• Taking baby to the doctor, getting chest x-rays, and debating whether or not she has a virus or pneumonia settling in.

.... another one of these days I might even get around to posting some old drafts I have on here!

over and out.